Wednesday, 13 October 2010


I hate conflict. I really hate it. At the moment I have a lot of conflict I my life. It's all coming from one place but it's a big part of my life. I'm not the sort of person who wants to play games or manipulate situations but I find myself looking for the next step the player will make and trying to be one or two steps ahead of the game. It's not going to work because this isn't my natural state and it's very hard to second guess a natural player. My whole world has become infected by this conflict. It's never far from my mind, I can't sleep properly and I can't concentrate. It's never far away. And yet, the person I am in conflict with apparently does not want this conflict either. I think that is the turning point, or at least a start in the right direction. I am worn down by this. I just want to be able to be me again. I like smiling!


Three weeks in

I'm now three weeks into my MSc in Corporate Governance. I'm enjoying it. It's something different from my usual and it's getting the grey matter working. But I can't deny I'm tired after a full day at work - sometimes the last thing I want to do is go out again. It's nice to meet new people. People with a different focus and a different perspective. And now the coursework is coming through I really have something to get my teeth into.

Next step on the educational ladder
Final Day as a Student

Thursday, 7 October 2010

Barnet Carers' Centre

Just been to Barnet Carer's Centre. Very interesting, very informative. I would definitely recommend the service to anyone who feels they could benefit from it.

Great Big List of Caregiver Blogs

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Relaxing Times

Short post. Just thought I would share a few nice moments in the middle of what has felt like a horrendous few weeks. Back from day at work then evening at college and now about to do something for work for a deadline tomorrow. Just had a few minutes out relaxing and feeling the best I have in weeks. Earlier I was not far off a panic attack but I managed to calm down some how. My husband and I are both in his office, both on computers but he has music on and there's a companionable silence with gentle tapping on keys. I feel calm and my breathing is unrestricted. Just reminded myself how important the odd break is in the middle of the mayhem.

A lovely weekend